true stories

Can I tell you a story about my son?
 This boy child that God gave me.
 He colored himself purple with a marker one night.
 One crayola marker.
 His.whole.body.purple. And I don't care about the claims, they aren't very washable,  at least not off skin. I never knew that I'd have to tell my son: "son, it's not appropriate to color your.whole.self.purple!" Why are there no books out there for moms that say things like this? That you might enounter boys doing things like that? !

For good measure, another son story:
Ok, we all know boys like to pee outside. (If you didn't know this, sorry, but all boys like to pee outside.) And we know if one boy does, all the other boys around will have to as well. What never occured to me is that I might hear: "Let's make our pee sword fight!" Coming from the mouth of one of my boys.
 What?!
 To all you who advised me to have them so close together... that pee  story is for you. This is the shenanigans you get from having 2 boys 18 months apart. Good grief.
I can't make these stories up people. This is my life.